Sometimes, I ponder on this idea and assess whether the closeness of Filipino families is a good or a bad thing. The term “closeness” connotes a positive vibe. But you know what – if you are deeply submerged in this situation, all you want is to be out and be free. It is suffocating at times.
For westerners who do not know what I am referring to – here is a background.
Filipino family relationship is known for being tightly-knit. Everybody is helping each other without expecting anything in return (in at the moment scenario). One good example of this is – a child (18 years and up) is not obligated to move out from the house, unless if he/she is married. If you are 40 years old, single and still lives with your parents, social norm dictates – it is fine. Here in the USA, at 19 and still living with the parents, it is a big taboo and a major humiliation. Why? It screams “responsibility” issues.
Back in the Philippines, parents are expected to raise their children and to give what is necessary, only if they can afford. Though there is no written rule about it, it is somewhat acceptable to say – “My children are not in school because we have no money”. Sad to note, most of the below average to low income group treat their children like investments. Parents will send their children good schools in the hope that when they will graduate and find jobs, they will do the same – raise them (parents). Children are financially indebted to their parents forever. If a parent is lucky enough to have a child with a traditional Filipino mentality, they’re good for life. But if one has a child with a western mind, they‘re are in for a surprise. A child does not have to be in another country to be westernized. A good education and an intensive exposure to media will definitely tarnish a traditional Filipino way of thinking.
Also, when a daughter or son married a foreigner, they thought that money is grown in a money-tree. You can harvest anytime or at their whim. It is mandatory to send them money on a regular basis, or else, you will be considered a bad child – no sense of gratitude, a selfish person! Most of these relationships are one-way too. You understand their needs, but they will refuse to get yours. If you have experienced this situation, I am sorry.
When can you say – STOP? You have a life of your own, a family a take care of, how much more can you handle another responsibility? I will leave this question hanging.
